Talking Points from Rick Santorum’s Ethics Playbook

1.  No fetus should be denied health care.

2. My mother Cathy used to say, God love her,  The best solution for unwanted pregnancy is to learn to want it.

3.  All men are created equal.  All women are created  to be mothers and teachers or nurses.

4. Life begins at conception and ends with a funeral.

5.  Marriage is between one man and one woman, Mormon losers.

6.   Abortion is a sin because the Bible says “Honour thy father and thy mother,” and how would you even be here if they had aborted you, pervert?

7.  Despite what my critics say, I do not believe everything the pope says is literally true.  For example, he might say “It look like rain” when it doesn’t.

6. Our Constitution gives people of the same sex all kinds of rights. And it gives people of different sexes different rights. Same – Different, is that too hard for you you socialist bloodsuckers.

9.  Marriage is not a right.  It is a privilege.  Except it can’t be taken away once you accept it.  It’s really complicated.

10.  Monogamous, heterosexual relationships are what make America “the shining city on a hill,” like St. Augustine John Kennedy Ronald Reagan so famously said.

11.  It hurts me to see so many Catholics turning their backs on the teaching of the bishops. I think we can all learn something important from the bishops about how to teach our children, family values, protecting the young so many things.

12.  I’m not saying I’m a perfect Catholic.  God didn’t make us perfect.  I’d only say that I am the only Catholic politican who can go to communion with a clean conscience.

13.  What a disaster John Kennedy was as the first Catholic president.  I’ll bet if abortion had been legal then he would have been for it.

14.  People ask me, “Why do you think you’ve got a direct line to the Almighty?”  I’ll tell you why, if you tell me why you’re so gay.

15. Do I believe in evolution?  Let me put it his way. I believe God has a right to change his mind.

6 thoughts on “Talking Points from Rick Santorum’s Ethics Playbook

  1. We interrupt the theology to bring you a brief public service announcement from your local friendly neighbourhood obstetrician:

    There are indeed life threatening conditions which can only be cured by ending a pregnancy, but uterine infection is not one of them.

    If you have a temperature of almost 105 degrees please do not emulate Mrs Santorum’s behaviour; bacteria are notoriously resistant to the power of prayer, and you need hefty doses of industrial strength intravenous antibiotics together with skilled professional assistance in the intensive care unit, should you wish to survive.

    We now return you to the theology unit which will, no doubt, be able to explain the miracle by which God cured Mrs Santorum when she terminated her pregnancy.

  2. Life begins at 40. Santorum needs a nice white straitjacket and a sanatorium. I hope the youtube is dubbed and the post is satire. It just seems too far fetched to be true. But the saying goes, credo quia absurdum.

  3. Santorum needs a nice white straitjacket and a sanatorium. I hope the youtube is dubbed and the post is satire. It just seems too far fetched to be true. But the saying goes, credo quia absurdum.

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