Dear Mom and Dad
First I am sorry that Jason and me burned down the house. It’s just that every summer you say it will be the last one grammie stays but then when June comes she is still alive. You and dad had been talking for a long time about getting a bigger place and we figured that either the insurance on the house or that death benefit of grammie’s you and dad are always talking about would make life easier. We were only trying to help.
By the way, did anyone ever find Pete the Python?
I am having a pretty good time here at Camp Question. I know it’s a good idea for me to ask questions and think critically and not to be fooled or duped, but I do miss marshmallows and swimming like we had last year at Camp Chippewa.
Today Tommy Braddock was caught telling a ghost story and was sent home with a letter to his stepfather. It was his third year at camp and the head counselor said he should have known better.
We saw a film last night on crop circles. The night before they showed a film on the Roswell aliens. We learned that crop circles and the aliens are a load of crap. I think crop circles are amazing but the aliens are a load of crap.
The night before that some guy did a powerpoint on the Loch Ness monster and said he could prove it was an otter. Sarah Shilepki shouted “That’s one big fucking otter” and everyone laughed so hard that Sammy, the program director, told Sarah that if she ever said anything against critical thinking again she would be sent home with a letter to her stepmother. It didn’t look like an otter. I almost peed I laughed so hard.
After lunch and on Sunday we have Anti-Prayer-in-School rallies. We learned that “Under God” was not a part of the original pledge of allegiance and that America was a better country before it was introduced by a president named Eisenhaus (?). David Eisenhaus said no Jew would do that and that all the really big wars and slavery and shit had come before God got into the pledge. The ethics counselor said “So I guess Jews shouldn’t care if Christians stick a nativity scene in front of a court house” and Davey says, “Frankly I don’t give a shit where they stick it,” and everyone laughed realllly hard, so the counselor said “And I guess you want to see the ten commandments in a classroom,” and Davey says “I go to the Hillel School, theyre already there but they’re in Hebrew so we can’t read them.” Anyway the ethics counselor quit and said that all of us were fucking freaks.
We get lessons on science every day. What we learn is that God didn’t make the world and that if there was a God the world would be better designed and not to believe anybody who sasy the world is designed. Especially religious people who we call “Duhs.” I don’t really get that part–about how it’s not designed but is just awesome if it’s not designed because such an unawesome place can’t have been designed by a really awesome creator but I hope we’ll cover that tomorrow.
Science is kind of crap though because when Tom Slater asked the science counselor why a boat floats on the water he couldn’t tell us and Tommy said maybe it’s because at Camp Question we don’t have any boats or water.
We also have anti-magic shows here. They bring in a magician who pulls quarters out of your ear and makes match boxes disappear. Then he kind of smiles and says, “You can’t always believe your eyes, can you?”
Rachel Goldman said “Can you make yourself disappear,” and he says “No.” Then she says, “Can you make a hundred dollar bill appear in my left shoe right now because I’m trying to buy a Vespa?” and he said “No” and she said “Can you make Camp Question disappear because I think it Q R A P.” I didn’t see Rachel at lunch. We had a lecture on freedom of speech.
Anyway I really think I get the whole thing about evidence and not believing anything until you have reason to believe it. The Leader of Camp Quest says it’s the basis of our whole democracy and the only way we can really lead a happy and fulfilling life.
At yesterday’s Fundamentals of Thinking Right he said “Question everything–accept nothing–demand proof, even if someone tells you the sun will rise tomorrow. Ask him ‘How do you know that?'” I think they should have sent Sol Jameson home when he grabbed Margie Talbert’s boobs and says let’s see ’em maybe you’re a dude but no one expected Margie to do it and Jesus she is no dude. No way.
Anyway I have to go look at the stars and there’s a guy coming in to talk about how small the earth is. I asked our dorm assistant if it was about taking care of the planet and he said “Nah, just about how small the earth is.”
Anyway, I can’t wait to see you guys next week and I hope grammie gets out of the ICU really soon. Let me know if anyone finds Pete.